How Gardening Boosts Memories of Loved Ones

By: Allison Gilbert

Getting outside is healing. Take advantage of nature to honor and celebrate the friend, spouse, parent, or sibling you never want to forget. Below are three of my favorite ideas for doing just that.

Create a Memory Garden. First, visit your local nursery to buy your loved one’s favorite herb, plant, or flower. Or, simply pick combinations of these that feature his or her favorite colors, tastes and smells. Second, add several “Love Rocks” to make this space even more special.

“Love Rocks” are easy and inexpensive to make. If you crochet or know someone who does, use wool or cotton from a loved one’s cherished sweater to make a simple net to cover a small stone. Or take a piece of fabric and cut it into the shape of a heart. (I like the idea of repurposing a shirt that belonged to your loved one, even a pair of jeans.) Next, glue the fabric heart onto a smooth stone with craft adhesive. Since the stones are going to be used outdoors, make sure to also use an acrylic sealer.

Create an Outdoor Refuge. Choose a quiet spot for remembering. After my father died, my stepmother longed for a relaxing and private space to think about my dad. She decided the best spot was right in her backyard. She cleared out a few weeds and bought an iron bench at a garage sale. That was about it. A refuge for silent reflection was born.

Building an outdoor refuge doesn’t require a lot of effort. You can use a chair instead of a bench or simply spread a blanket on the ground. The goal is to give yourself uninterrupted time for remembrance and a location to be alone with your thoughts. You can read more about this idea here.

Establish a New Ritual. Every year, I look forward to buying Forget Me Not flowers. These delicate blooms come in pink and white — as well as the familiar blue — and I place them inside a terra cotta pot somewhere I’ll see all day, usually my kitchen table. This idea offers the benefits of nature even when indoors.

I take comfort in the living, physical reminder of my loved ones. During the course of writing my book Passed and Present: Keeping Memories of Loved Ones Alive, the poignant symbolism of this annual ritual took hold of me and I decided to call strategies for remembering loved ones, “Forget Me Nots.” There are 85 Forget Me Nots in Passed and Present. Some involve planning and patience; others require hardly any effort at all. Each embraces the essential concept that we can remember loved ones anytime, and spring just so happens to one of those fabulous times.

Allison Gilbert is one of the most thought-provoking and influential writers on grief and resilience. She is the author of numerous books including, Passed and Present: Keeping Memories of Loved Ones Alive. She serves on the Board of Directors for the National Alliance for Grieving Children and the Advisory Board for the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors. Watch Gilbert’s Google Author Talk, How to Harness Loss to Drive Happiness, here.