5 Ways Spring Cleaning Helps Build Resilience After Loss
By: Allison Gilbert
When a loved one dies, there are almost always objects and heirlooms to sort through and decisions to make about what to do with them. After my parents died, I kept many of their belongings – my father’s neckties, my mother’s scarves, their books, home videos, photographs, and more. And for a while, these possessions made me feel closer to my mom and dad. Surprisingly, so did not keeping them at all.
Death makes us feel unmoored; taking ownership of what comes next allows us to feel empowered. Deciding what to do with belongings (instead of packing them away in a closet, attic, or basement) has the capacity to spark a welcome sense of control. Being proactive also increases the likelihood the belongings we choose to keep will be meaningful to us and won’t weigh us down.
Below are five opportunities for using spring cleaning to build resilience after loss.
Frame Their Handwriting — Frame a handwritten recipe or locate your loved one’s signature on a letter, car title, or passport. Doing so not only gives you the chance to sort through these items, it provides new opportunities to talk about your loved one the next time it’s safe for family and friends to visit.
Upcycle Clothing — Reimagine your loved one’s favorite sweater, shirt, or pair of jeans. Gather a few pieces and transform them into teddy bears, throw pillows, or bean bags. Pieces of fabric from t-shirts can also be used to create one-of-a-kind quilts.
Curate a Gallery — Gather your loved one’s official documents (college ID, driver’s license, military papers, business cards, etc...) and transform them into decorations around your home. To create a cohesive look, frame objects in like-colored mattes and frames. A collection that spans multiple generations often works best — no need to arrange documents in chronological order.
Donate Objects — Items of all types (ceramics, costumes, sports memorabilia, stamps, textiles, typewriters, etc...) are of potential interest to museums and historical societies. Giving objects to professional preservationists and curators helps ensure the individuals who owned them will never be forgotten. Consider what types of objects you have and find organizations that maintain vast collections of them. By donating these items, you may also alleviate any guilt that bubbles up from parting with your loved one’s possessions.
Approach Textiles Creatively — Show off and enjoy meaningful fabrics – table linens, towels, ties, scarves, even curtains. Frame a portion of a wedding dress or display a religious garment or uniform in a case. Wrap a love-worn tablecloth around a large canvas and mount it on a wall.
Embrace spring cleaning as an unrivaled opportunity for healing and renewal. For even more inspiration, check out my course Objects & Heirlooms: Clearing Clutter & Staying Connected.
Allison Gilbert is one of the most thought-provoking and influential writers on grief and resilience. She is the author of numerous books including, Passed and Present: Keeping Memories of Loved Ones Alive. She serves on the Board of Directors for the National Alliance for Grieving Children and the Advisory Board for the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors. Watch Gilbert’s Google Author Talk, How to Harness Loss to Drive Happiness, here.