Why It’s Hard Raising Children as a Parentless Parent
By: Allison Gilbert
Both of my parents have passed away, and little has shaped the way I raise my children more than the fact that my mom and dad aren't here to be grandparents to my children. I am a parentless parent.
Because people are starting families later and later, the number of parentless parents in America is skyrocketing. This has massive consequences for every member of the family. Parents are raising kids without the support of their own mothers and fathers, and kids don't have grandparents, with all the social, behavioral and cognitive benefits associated with these grandparent/grandchild relationships.
Here are 3 reasons it’s hard to be a parentless parent:
There's so much information about your own childhood that's gone forever. If your daughter wasn’t crawling "on time," it would be reassuring to know if you also began crawling late. Without your parents, there are fewer answers to these developmental questions.
We have fewer people to brag to about our kids. This may sound irrelevant, but it compounds an already heightened sense of isolation many of us feel. When my son, Jake, got to be a starting pitcher in Little League, who, after my husband, do you think I wanted to call?
Our parents can't pass on family traditions, or share stories about living relatives or ancestors. Grandparents often pass on their love of art, books and music. They teach skills related to their jobs and interests. They provide unconditional love and acceptance. And, especially important as children age, grandmothers and grandfathers often provide a safe and trusted refuge away from parents.
Does any of this hold true for you? As a For Grief reader, you’re invited to join our private Facebook community, where you can share your stories and hear from others who may feel the same way. Hope to see you there
Allison Gilbert is co-author of the forthcoming book Listen, World!: How the Intrepid Elsie Robinson Became America's Most-Read Woman, the first biography of American writer Elsie Robinson (coming September 27, 2022). Her previous books include, Passed and Present: Keeping Memories of Loved Ones Alive. On Allison’s popular grief and resilience blog, she features Q & A’s with some of the most notable names in our culture today including, Arianna Huffington, Jon Stewart, and bestselling authors Henry Louis Gates, Jr., Dani Shapiro, and Susan Orlean. She is host of "Women Journalists of 9/11: Their Stories,” a 20-part documentary series produced in collaboration with the 9/11 Memorial & Museum. Featured journalists include Savannah Guthrie, Maggie Haberman, Linda Wertheimer, Dana Bash, and many others.
Please take a moment to follow her on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook. She’s everywhere as “agilbertwriter."