When You Grieve Differently Than Your Family

It is sometimes hard to admit that members of your family may not provide the kind of support and comfort you need most. What feels best after loss might come from friends, perhaps even strangers in an online support group. In this blog post, we'll explore the challenges of grieving differently than your family and share tips on how to navigate this experience.

Make your needs a priority

Don’t feel pressure to conform to how your brother or sister, mother, or father want to grieve. There’s a balance between “being there” for the ones you love and taking care of your own mental health. If your uncle wants to make a weekly visit to the cemetery and that’s not something that is helping your grieving process, it’s okay to say no to his invitation.

Be willing to communicate 

Talk, and then talk some more. Let your family know what you need, whether it's space, time, or a particular type of support. If there’s a death anniversary coming up that you want to do something special for, tell your family beforehand so you can feel supported rather than disappointed on a day that might be especially hard. (Related: we offer a free guide for honoring  loved ones on their death anniversary on our website).

Seek support outside your family

If your family is not offering enough support right now, please remember there are other places you can look to find people who understand what you’re going through. Some opportunities that For Grief has created include a private Facebook group, virtual events (an upcoming event in October will cover “Finding Others Who ‘Get It’” plus the one in September on “Navigating Anxiety, Depression, and Guilt After Loss”), and a grief support library categorized by different types of loss. 

Grieving differently than your family is not uncommon, and it doesn't diminish the bond you share. By acknowledging these differences, family members are better able to provide a supportive environment for each other and everyone may heal in their own way.