A Guide to Understanding Different Types of Grief
As you grieve, you may have wondered if what you feel is normal, especially if your experiences or emotions lie outside the “normal” grief label. We’re here to let you know that all grief is valid, and all feelings are acceptable. Sometimes, it helps to find a label for your feelings and to know how to cope with your unique circumstances.
We created this guide for understanding different types of grief to help you recognize what you or someone you care about may be experiencing and provide guidance on navigating your grief journey.
What Is Anticipatory Grief?
You may experience anticipatory grief if you expected the death of your loved one. Maybe they endured a long illness or lived a very long life. You may have had time to begin grieving that loss before it even happened; maybe you had time to tell your loved one what you wanted them to know.
You may have even anticipated how you’d feel after their death. However, not even an anticipated death can quite prepare you for the emotions you experience after your loved one has died.
How to Cope with Anticipatory Grief
Remember that your emotions are valid, and however you feel is correct. Maybe you’re feeling sadder than you thought you would or maybe you’re feeling relieved. It’s easy to say and harder to feel — but we firmly believe there is no reason to feel guilty about your grieving feelings. Feel your emotions as they come and release them as they go.
We encourage you to try these ideas to help cope with your anticipatory grief:
Share and listen to stories about your loved one with close friends and family.
Join a local or virtual support group with others who also experienced an anticipatory loss.
What Is Abbreviated Grief?
Abbreviated grief is a shortened grief response. Sometimes, abbreviated grief may follow anticipatory grief, if you grieved before your loved one died. Other times, abbreviated grief happens because you experienced only a small attachment to the person who died.
How to Cope with Abbreviated Grief
Grieving on a shorter timeline doesn’t mean you didn’t care for the person who died. There are many factors when anyone grieves and a great number of emotions everyone can feel during the grieving process. We all experience grief differently, so be gentle with yourself during this time.
We encourage you to try these ideas as you’re coping with abbreviated grief:
Practice self-care and gentleness with yourself — go on a walk with a friend, grab a warm coffee or tea.
Journal your thoughts and feelings. Write a note to your loved one who died, jotting down your favorite memory of them.
What Is Delayed Grief?
Delayed grief is when you experience grief days, weeks, months or even years after the death occurs. Sometimes, this happens when your loved one died suddenly, and the shock of the loss pauses your body’s ability to work through emotions. Delayed grief can also occur if you’re busy taking care of funeral arrangements and other after-death duties.
How to Cope with Delayed Grief
Carving out time (even if you have an hour or less) to process your grief can help. Remember not to suppress your emotions — allow yourself to feel what you need to feel.
We encourage you to try these ideas as you’re coping with or anticipating delayed grief:
If possible, enlist the help of family and friends to make decisions about the funeral and help with your list of tasks to complete after a death. Sharing the load allows everyone time to grieve.
Be gentle with yourself and communicate your needs. You may need time off work months after your loved one died, when a wave of grief comes. Remember, grief doesn’t have a timeline. Communicate your needs with people who need to know when the time comes.
What Is Collective Grief?
We have all likely experienced collective grief: when reading the news or hearing about national or international tragedies. A large group, community or nation can feel collective grief during wars, natural disasters or the death of a public figure.
How to Cope with Collective Grief
Even though you might not know the person who died or the group affected by the tragedy, you might relate to what has happened or feel empathy or deep sympathy for the people affected. You have permission to feel sad, even if you didn’t know the person.
We encourage you to try these ideas as you’re coping with collective grief:
Consider taking a break from social media or the news, even if it’s just for a couple days. It’s okay to disconnect to care for yourself first — you can’t shoulder the burdens of the world when those burdens are outside your control. It’s not apathetic to disconnect — it’s self-preservation. Log back online when you feel ready, and at a capacity that may look different from before.
Grab a blanket and flip open your favorite book or comfort show — sometimes, you need a break from grief.
If you’re curious to read about more types of grief or if you don’t relate to any listed above, check out this more extensive list on What’s Your Grief. Be patient with yourself and know that, with time and care, it’s possible to find a new normal while honoring the losses that have shaped you.