How to Navigate and Cope With Grief During the Holidays

The holidays are often a time of laughter, community and celebration. But if you’re grieving, these expectations can feel overwhelming and even painful. Whether this is your first holiday season without your loved one or decades later, the holidays can feel heavy. The contrast between what you "should" feel — happy, festive and full of cheer — and what you actually feel — sad, exhausted, wistful or even disconnected — can create a sense of guilt or confusion. It's as though your grief comes with an unspoken rule that joy is off-limits, especially during the holidays.  

But what if, this year, you gave yourself permission to feel both? What if you allowed grief and joy to exist together? 

Grief 101

“The way grief is talked about in our culture can be really complicated,” said Joe Primo, CEO of Grateful Living. Our culture assumes a timeline for grief, and we haven’t learned how to properly talk to and comfort each other in our grief.  

Joe continued, “Grief is a human experience, not an illness. Grief is not something you recover from. But befriending our grief, rather than resisting it, is a very healthy way to move forward, but not move on.” 

We never talk about grief as a ‘moving on,’ because there is no moving on. Your life has changed. Who you were before is not who you will continue to be. But in grief, you move forward in life moment by moment, day by day, until, as Joe shared, “We’re able to integrate our grief into our lives as someone who has lost someone we love.” Looking at your grief with a curious, friendly eye instead of resisting it is one step on a healing path. 

The Complexity of Grief During the Holidays

“The holiday season is littered with cheer. It would seem like the easy thing to do is to avoid the conversation of grief,” Joe noted. “But we have the opportunity to be around and experience our grief deeply.”  

Grief is a deeply personal and often unpredictable journey. The holidays may bring a flood of memories for you, some painful and some sweet. The empty chair at the dinner table or the absence of a loved one’s voice on the phone can make the season feel impossibly lonely. The world around you may be buzzing with festivities, but inside, you might feel a quiet, echoing space.  

At the same time, the holidays still hold the potential for small moments of joy. Perhaps it's the twinkling lights on a tree, the smell of a favorite holiday dish or a shared smile with a friend or family member.  

But you might feel a kind of "grief guilt" — the idea that you can’t allow happiness to blossom while grieving someone who died.  

This conflicting pull between sorrow and joy can create a tension that leaves you unsure of how to navigate the season. But here’s the truth: grief and joy are not mutually exclusive. You have permission to experience both.

You can attend a virtual event to gain resources to cope with your grief during the holidays this year and keep reading for tips on navigating your grief during the holidays. 

Three Tips for Coping with Grief During the Holidays  

1. Be On the Lookout for Joy

Grief doesn't exist in isolation. Joe said, “Grief is an emotional response; it’s a spectrum of lots of emotions — anger, joy, relief, denial, disappointment. You can have all of these emotions together, swirling around.” In this way, joy can absolutely be part of your grief journey, as a part of your spectrum of emotions. 

So be on the lookout for joy. You may find it in small or unexpected moments, but it’s okay to seek it out. “It is there and it can help you enter this emerging ‘new norm’ in your life,” Joe reminded us. 

Maybe you’ll find joy in your grandchild’s laughter or a hand squeeze from a friend. Perhaps you seek joy in the beauty of nature. Or joy might arrive when you bake cookies with your family. Maybe you will find a moment of joy as you sit by yourself, reading a comforting book. “Seeking and experiencing joy is not dishonoring the person who died,” Joe said. 

“Joy can give you a break from your grief, and it’s okay to take that step and put grief aside for just a moment,” Kelly Manion, grief specialist, For Grief contributor and advocate for all who are grieving. 

2. Be Patient with Yourself

As you navigate this season, remember that there’s no timeline for healing. You don’t need to rush through your grief to "catch up" to everyone’s festivities or to “meet” them in their joy and happiness. Instead, be tender and compassionate with yourself. You may experience days when you enjoy the holiday spirit, and you may experience days when you feel disconnected from it entirely. Both are okay. In moments when you feel sad or tired, let yourself rest and grieve. Healing means you’re adjusting to a new reality, and that takes time. 

“You don’t have to please anyone,” Joe mentioned. “But it does help to let people know how you’re thinking and feeling so they can plan accordingly.” It’s often difficult be vulnerable, but telling a friend or family member what you need helps them know how to best provide for you in your grief. That could mean letting them know that you need a day or a moment to be alone and have space, or it could mean sharing that you’d love to have them by your side when you hang holiday lights or place your loved one’s favorite ornament on the tree.  

3. Be Open to Traditions

If you find comfort in traditions you shared with your loved one before they died, you might choose to carry those on this year. However, if those traditions no longer feel right to you, you have permission to create new ones. “Things are not the same, so you don’t have to pretend like they are,” Joe said. 

Joe mentioned a few ideas for new rituals and traditions that involve honoring your loved one who died: 

• Set a place at the dinner table for the person who died. 

• Invite everyone to make an ornament for the person who died and hang the ornaments on a special tree dedicated to that person. 

• Create a memory box and invite people to write notes or place items in it. 

“I like to think of it as present-absence,” Joe noted. “Even though someone is absent, we still have permission to encounter and maintain a connection with their presence. They were an important part of our lives and love.” 

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There’s no need to force joy during the holidays, but you absolutely have permission to embrace the fullness of the season, including the complex mix of emotions you may carry. You don’t need to “have it all together” this holiday season, but we hope you can experience moments of peace and connection and allow your grief and your joy to live side by side.