How Children Grieve & How We Can Support Them: A Guide for Adults

Children’s Grief Awareness Month in November, along with Children’s Grief Awareness Day (the third Thursday of November), reminds us that children grieve differently than adults. It may feel challenging to talk about death and grief with children, but by using the right strategies, families can offer meaningful support and help children grieve.

 This guide, inspired by insights from the National Alliance for Grieving Children (NACG) and the Dougy Center provides practical tips for communicating with children and helping them find a path forward.

Grief and Loss in Childhood

According to NACG, 1 in 14 kids in the U.S. will face the death of a parent or sibling by age 18. Grief shows up differently for everyone, especially children. They might not have the words to explain the complex emotions they’re feeling, which can sometimes lead to changes in behavior, withdrawal, or even physical symptoms like stomachaches or headaches. That’s why it’s crucial to understand how children’s perceptions of death change as they grow, so you can tailor conversations to their developmental stage and meet them where they are:

  • Young children (ages 2-5) may not grasp that death is permanent, often asking the same questions over and over as they try to understand.

  • School-age children (ages 6-12) begin to realize that death is irreversible, but may still believe that their thoughts or actions could somehow change the situation.

  • Teens (ages 13-18) understand the permanence of death, but they might struggle with complex emotions like guilt, anger, or sadness.

How to Talk to Children About Death & Grief

Talking about death and grief isn’t easy, but clear and direct language can help children make sense of it. Consider these tips as you begin these important conversations:

  • Be direct and honest.  Share information that is accurate and matches the child’s level of understanding. Keep explanations simple yet clear and answer their questions as honestly as possible. For example, avoid phrases like "passed away" or "went to sleep," as these can be confusing. Instead, use straightforward words like "died" or "death" to provide a clearer understanding.

  • Normalize grief.  Grief is a natural, human behavior, and it’s perfectly okay for children to see you grieve. This may feel uncomfortable at first, but the more open and honest you are about grief and grieving, the better equipped children will be to find a pathway forward in their own grief.

  • Create a safe space.  Let children know that all feelings are okay—whether that’s sadness, confusion, anger, or even relief. Encourage them to express their emotions without judgment.

  • Encourage questions.  Kids often ask the same questions repeatedly as they try to process their grief. Be patient and consistent, as answering their questions can help them feel secure. Remember, it’s ok if you don’t know the answer.

  • Offer reassurance.  Remind children that they’re not alone in their grief and that it’s normal to feel the way they do. Let them know they are loved and supported.

Supporting Children Who Are Grieving

Children’s Grief Awareness Month is a reminder of the importance of offering continued support to grieving children. Here are some ways to help:

  • Encourage participation in memorialization.  Children often find comfort in being involved. Encourage children to draw pictures, write letters, or make small keepsakes to add to a memory box. Older children and teens may wish to participate in the funeral itself in a way that feels meaningful to them.

  • Maintain routines.  Familiar routines provide a sense of stability when everything feels uncertain. Consistent routines create comfort and security for children navigating grief.

  • Encourage creative outlets.  Art, play, or writing can be powerful tools for children to express complex emotions. Allow kids the space to use these outlets as they process their feelings.

  • Share stories.  Talking about the person who died helps children maintain a sense of connection. Encourage them to share memories, look at photographs, and recall past experiences.

  • Be present Sometimes, supporting a child means simply being there. Sit with them, listen to their stories, and offer physical reassurance like hugs. Your presence alone can be incredibly comforting.

  • Follow up.  Grief doesn’t have an “end date,” nor is it a linear experience. Following up with kids in the days, weeks, months (and years) following a death helps remind kids that’s grief doesn’t have a timeline.

  • Recognize complicated grief.  Sometimes, a child’s grief can feel a little more complicated, especially if the relationship with the person who died was challenging. They might not know how to feel or even feel guilty for having mixed emotions like relief or confusion. Be patient and reassuring, letting them know it’s okay to have different feelings all at once. Encourage open conversations so they can explore these emotions safely, knowing they’re not alone. 

Rituals, Memorialization and Holiday Support

Rituals and memorialization play a big role in helping children process grief, especially as the holiday season approaches. Grief activities for children, like engaging in familiar traditions or trying new ones, can create a sense of comfort and connection during this time. While the holidays can be joyful, they can also intensify feelings of grief. Blending old traditions with new activities can help provide much-needed support. Here’s how to help children navigate the holidays:

  • Create rituals.  If a child didn’t attend a funeral or chose not to, consider creating small moments like lighting a lantern or visiting a meaningful place. These simple acts can help them feel connected and provide a way to honor the person who died.

  • Keep old traditions alive.  Familiar traditions can be a source of stability. Even if the holidays feel different this year, try to keep cherished traditions going. For example, if baking a special recipe was a much-loved holiday event, invite children to help make it. Perhaps you could use any special cookware or don a beloved apron. Use this time to share stories about past holidays and the person who died.

  •  Introduce new traditions.  Creating new rituals can be both meaningful and empowering for children. For instance, set a special place at the table for the person who died, lighting a candle in their memory. Or make a new ornament together that represents the person who is gone and hang it on the tree. You could also ask everyone in attendance to bring an ornament that symbolizes the person who died, and share stories as you adorn the tree.

  • Talk about the person during the holidays.  Keeping memories alive through conversation can be comforting. For example, during a holiday meal, set aside time for everyone to share a favorite memory or story about the person being remembered. This can bring a bit of warmth and laughter to a challenging day.

  • Find the joy.  Remind children that it’s okay to feel joy during the holidays, even while grieving. There might be days filled with both deep sadness and bursts of happiness, and that’s perfectly normal. Let kids know that grief and joy can coexist—this is a good reminder for grown-ups, too!

When to Seek Extra Support

Families and support networks play a key role in helping grieving children, but sometimes additional help is necessary. Consider professional support if a child shows signs of:

  • Persistent nightmares or trouble sleeping

  • Intense fear or anxiety about death

  • Withdrawal from activities or significant behavior changes

  • Difficulty concentrating at school

  • Thoughts of self-harm

 You know your child’s unique needs best. Please remember that professional grief counselors, therapists, or support groups can help you provide children with additional tools to navigate their grief.

Where to Find Additional Resources

During Children’s Grief Awareness Month and throughout the year, seek out grief resources for children, and tools to help you support them.

This Children’s Grief Awareness Month, remember the importance of open conversations with grieving children. Use clear language, maintain routines, and encourage participation in rituals and memorialization. By offering compassion and consistency, families can help children navigate their grief in a safe, nurturing environment. And when extra support is needed, know that there are resources available to guide both children and caregivers through this challenging journey.

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How to Navigate and Cope With Grief During the Holidays

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The Healing Power of Rituals: How Funerals and Memorialization Support Your Grief Journey