How to honor your loved one on your wedding day
By: Allison Gilbert
My mother was losing her battle with ovarian cancer when Mark proposed. She didn’t live to see us marry, but she was very much a part of the wedding: We made choices throughout our planning that celebrated her memory. (You’ll read some of them below.) Many couples struggle with how best to pay tribute to their loved one, not knowing what will come across as a sentimental touch or just too somber and sad. Below are three just-right opportunities for honoring a loved one on your special day.
1. Fashion unexpected jewelry. I had a long strand of my mother’s pearls made into several smaller pieces—a bracelet for me, and a pair of earrings for each of my bridesmaids and maid of honor. Wearing the bracelet still makes me feel close to her. And my best friend from college has repeatedly told me, “Whenever I wear those earrings, I think of your mom.”
2. Call attention to their absence. Light a candle in her honor. List his name on the program. Leave an empty chair at your reception. At our wedding, Mark and I got married under a canopy of my mother’s scarves. This was a visual declaration that she was with us that day. It was also a fantastic conversation starter.
Image from my wedding of our scarf canopy.
3. Let your father walk you down the aisle. If your father can’t be with you, I adore the idea of attaching small photo charms to the back of each shoe so your dad can symbolically walk you down the aisle. Pendants can be custom ordered and made small enough nobody knows they’re there except you. These inconspicuous charms also make a great gift for a bride who’s lost anyone special, not just her dad. I’ve discovered many wonderful artists who make these types of charms by searching “bridal shoe charms” on Etsy.
Image from Etsy vendor, Saving Face Jewellery.
Nothing can replace having loved ones with you on your wedding day. But taking a moment to keep their memory alive (before and during the celebration) is a proactive, loving step that honors their absence. I hope these suggestions are helpful and spark ideas of your own. Share your suggestions in our private Facebook community. Let’s learn from each other.
Allison Gilbert is one of the most thought-provoking and influential writers on grief and resilience. She is the author of numerous books including, Passed and Present: Keeping Memories of Loved Ones Alive. She serves on the Board of Directors of the National Alliance for Grieving Children and the Advisory Board of the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors. Watch Gilbert’s Google Author Talk, How to Harness Loss to Drive Happiness, here.